Living a Bohemian lifestyle (lonelynfading) wrote,
Living a Bohemian lifestyle

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I have failed.

There are times that I wish I could just drop out and work as a Barista the rest of my life. I just wish my life could be simplified and drained of all the negative stress. I feel like the stress is eating away at my health and there's absolutely nothing that I can do about it. I just have to sit in that competitive atmosphere and fight off the negative criticism. The experience is overwhelming physically and mentally. Every time I enter that classroom for critique I feel like the room begins to fill with water. By the time everyone hangs up their pieces I've already been treading water for 5 minutes. When the positive and negative stickers go up I start to go under. And when I've finally achieved "worst" design I'm drowning to the bottom of a never-ending ocean. I just feel like my spirit is drowning and nothing anyone says can bring back the fire I used to have. The fire is out and with it the luminescence of my work has frozen into hell. I am not the same person. How can anyone be the same after the life has been sucked out of their veins by blood thirsty parasites?

I am dead.
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