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The Space between Dreaming and Reality

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12th February 2012

11:49pm: 21 months
It took me 21 months to find a Full Time Graphic Design position. The road was long, and had its fair share of pot holes, but somehow, I persevered. Just when my future had turned bleak, & darkness had encompassed me completely, I closed my eyes and dreamed. I dreamed of nothing, yet I dreamed of everything. The darkness faded, and I could see once more.

You have no idea how hard I worked to get to this point after 21 months.

(Whisper to me)

6th April 2010

8:01pm: I want everyone to take their opinions about my career aspirations AND SHOVE IT UP THEIR FUCKING ASSHOLES! You don't know how fucking hard it is for me! I don't want to hear it anymore. I didn't get into RISD, Rutgers, or FAU. FAU...FLORIDA FUCKING ATLANTIC UNIVERSITY--A SHITTY NO ONE HAS HEARD OF IT SCHOOL. THEY DENIED ME THE OPTION TO STUDY DESIGN. I have no options right now, NONE. I want a career in graphic design, but I have no fucking graphic design portfolio. I'm leaving college with NO OPTIONS. UF GAVE ME NO OPTIONS! And where am I to study graphic design? WHERE CAN I TAKE FUCKING GD CLASSES? What and pay SCAD 35,500 dollars for one year? FUCK THAT.


(Whisper to me)

26th October 2009

1:12pm: Back to life
I'm on track and ready to roll again. This weekend was a much needed vacation. Now I got my shit together and no one, not even you, can stop me. 
Current Mood: artistic

(3 Screams | Whisper to me)

18th July 2009

10:53am: There's a 90% chance I'll be in the following shows:

*Boca Festival Days 24th Annual Open Juried Art Exhibit (July 27th to September 11th)
*Alagarto: UF printmaking show (September 28 – October 23)

I'll keep you informed. 

***Does anyone own a legitimate copy of dreamweaver that I can install on my mac? I'll be willing to trade the Adobe Creative suite for it. 
Current Mood: artistic

(7 Screams | Whisper to me)

2nd July 2009

2:56pm: First art publication
Later this year I'm going to be published in the BFA Now catalogue! This is so exciting.
Current Mood: artistic

(1 Scream | Whisper to me)

29th May 2009

10:18am: Apple dude
Damn, the spokesguy for Apple is all over the movies lately. Go Apple dude! I think he's pretty damn cool. ::thumbs up::

(3 Screams | Whisper to me)

20th April 2009

7:39pm: It's crazy, but I can DO IT
I can ride my bike with no handlebars.

Lets write this paper with no knowledge.

Current Mood: accomplished

(Whisper to me)

16th January 2009

11:43pm: Student Juried Exhibition 2009
Wow...just wow. I just got an e-mail saying one or more of my pieces has been accepted into the major student juried exhibition. Yeah, that other show looks mediocre compared to this. This is big, REALLY big. I can't believe it. Winners of this show get $1500. Even if I don't place, it is truly an honor to be hanging in that gallery. God I'm so happy.
Current Mood: ecstatic

(7 Screams | Whisper to me)

21st April 2008

7:15pm: Applied to SCAD
I'm so excited. I officially applied to Savannah College of Art and Design for Winter '09. I could have applied for Fall, but then I wouldn't get scholarships. So I'm going to get some art histories and drawing classes out of the way so that in January I can dive right into graphic design. =D Finally, the future has color again.

(Whisper to me)

14th March 2008

1:39am: I'll be 21 this time tomorrow. Wow. That's scary.

(Whisper to me)

11th March 2008

9:10am: Portfolio post-production
I'm pretty much done with my portfolio. It's in post-production. That means I'm just cropping pictures, mounting them, and placing them in a pdf. Besides that and the written statements...my actual work is done. I'm damn proud of it, too. I worked my ASS off and I think it shows. I'll find out soon enough, I guess. 18 spots and 60-80 applicants. At this point, it's all about luck.

I just hope my pictures do my pieces justice. ::crosses fingers::

(Whisper to me)

13th December 2007

4:20pm: Go on...click on the box

totally made this trailer myself. In my defense...the timing was correct while I was making it. However, after I published it, the slashing was off by half a second. Oh well.

(Whisper to me)

12th December 2007

1:35am: Alice in Wonderland directed by Tim Burton. How perfect is that?

(1 Scream | Whisper to me)

3rd November 2007

5:08pm: Today is the fourth anniversary of Bryan and me. 4 years is a long time. It is also my mother's 45th birthday. YAY!!! I dont even know if bryan and I are going to have the time to even celebrate it. He works long hours at the Alligator and I hardly have the time to eat.

(3 Screams | Whisper to me)

4:44pm: I have failed.
There are times that I wish I could just drop out and work as a Barista the rest of my life. I just wish my life could be simplified and drained of all the negative stress. I feel like the stress is eating away at my health and there's absolutely nothing that I can do about it. I just have to sit in that competitive atmosphere and fight off the negative criticism. The experience is overwhelming physically and mentally. Every time I enter that classroom for critique I feel like the room begins to fill with water. By the time everyone hangs up their pieces I've already been treading water for 5 minutes. When the positive and negative stickers go up I start to go under. And when I've finally achieved "worst" design I'm drowning to the bottom of a never-ending ocean. I just feel like my spirit is drowning and nothing anyone says can bring back the fire I used to have. The fire is out and with it the luminescence of my work has frozen into hell. I am not the same person. How can anyone be the same after the life has been sucked out of their veins by blood thirsty parasites?

I am dead.
Current Mood: morose

(1 Scream | Whisper to me)

22nd July 2007

10:26am: Potter 7
I bought the 7th Harry Potter book even though I'm only on the 3rd as of right now. 40% off was hard to pass up.

I'd really like people to be courteous and not ruin the books for me. If you're pissed off about the 7th book's ending or you loved it, please, DON'T SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME. Do a LJ cut so that I don't have to worry about scrolling down and accidentally seeing something that will ruin the series.

Current Mood: awake

(1 Scream | Whisper to me)

12th July 2007

4:24pm: Saw Harry Potter 5. It was probably the best movie this summer even though I felt they cut it too short.

Yesterday was free day. I got free popcorn, free soda, and a free movie ticket. It was great. Not to mention, it was 711's birthday, so I got a really small slurpee for free.

Working tonight. I'm happy to be working after 2 days off. Next week I will make my goal for the summer. "Pay 3 months worth of rent and get a Wii." Made my goal. My next goal is to rip down the rest of my wallpaper and paint the entire bedroom before I go back up to Gainesville.

Ekk. time to hit the road. work's at 5 and it takes 20 minutes to get there. fun.
Current Mood: content

(Whisper to me)

24th June 2007

1:08am: The Wall = Alice in Wonderland
Holy shit on a brick. Pink Floyd wrote their music as soundtracks to popular movies. Dark Side of the Moon goes with The Wizard of Oz. And now I just watched Alice in Wonderland in sync with the entire Wall album. Oh my god. I can't believe it. It makes sense. That book/movie itself represents psychedelia. Pink Floyd was a psychedelic rock band. Wow.
Current Mood: shocked

(Whisper to me)

5th June 2007

9:06am: A letter from UF that isn't a bill?
I made the Dean's list.

I know no one really wants to hear that, but I just thought I'd share, because I feel like I have achieved my goal. Now I know I made the right choice in switching majors. I hope next semester turns out as well as Spring '07.

(4 Screams | Whisper to me)

2nd June 2007

4:41pm: I'm free until Tuesday. =D

(Whisper to me)

29th May 2007

12:30am: John Edwards reminds me of JFK. Edwards and Clinton. Wouldn't that make for a great pair? She could make it as vice-president rather than president. 08 may change history.

(4 Screams | Whisper to me)

28th May 2007

12:42am: Tomorrow I will post a big analysis of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. I will reveal every reason why the writers fucked up, and how they should have written it differently.

To have such elaborate fight scenes and realistic computer animation back in the day separated the good movies from the bad. Good special effects guaranteed a movie would be GREAT, because special effects were incredibly hard to do. People marveled at special effects like they do advancements in technology. However, as technology advanced, special effects became second nature. They became cheaper. Today, elaborate special effects are common. Special effects have taken a seat next to costumes, make-up, and props. It is intended to help the story, not cover it up, or replace it entirely. Directors could rely solely on the fight scenes to carry the movie 20 years ago. Not anymore.

A new age has come.

(Whisper to me)

26th May 2007

10:35am: All I have to say right now is...WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING GORE VERBINSKI! That was the most poorly written sequel since the matrix revolutions. I guess it's okay if there is no plot and the characters are just running around role playing. Oh and thanks for building up jack and elizabeth just to leave it untouched. They spent 20 minutes on a crab sequence but left only 5 seconds to story. Why the hell would you want to be with someone after they screwed you over almost 5 times? They seriously made will turner's character evil. There was nothing to like. He got what he deserved close to the end...but then the writers fucked up and did something very foolish.

I'm only 20 years old. I was never formally trained in screenplay writing. But I could have come up with a better story. I guess it's not about the story. It's about johnny depp. Lets just have johnny depp do his thing and have the rest of the cast improv, because lets face it...people are going to see him, not the movie.

(3 Screams | Whisper to me)

18th April 2007

10:38pm: VT could have been UF. That scares me.

(Whisper to me)

8th March 2007

10:49am: Day before Spring Break 2007
Spring Break really couldn't come any sooner. I have a paper to write on Robbie Conal. He's a cool cat or should I say....guerilla. He's a guerilla artist. You know...papers kinda suck. I think the worst part of writing is that time before you start writing. You get a little reluctant, I suppose. It makes me uncomfortable and I try to put off actually starting the paper. However...I'd rather be writing than be in this uncomfortable place. I have til 4:30 to write my masterpiece on Mr. Conal. Lets get started...

By the way, I want a Mac.

(Whisper to me)

8th April 2006

2:09am: I love bryan!

(1 Scream | Whisper to me)

1:32am: Today was perhaps one of the better days I've had in awhile. The day began with the uncomfortable wake-up call of a dry throat. From there I proceeded to sleep lightly, waking up exactly 5 hours later and 2 hours before my true wake-up call. My stomach ached as usual. I thought if I practiced more, I wouldn't be so nervous. That was not the case. There was no peace to be had while shaking at the thought of those eyes fixated on my every move. I walked towards my fear with Munich playing in my head. My time had come. Lucky was I to be performing after such an amazing act. I was sent to clean up the leftovers and I wanted so badly to be the main course. As it turns out, I was not the main course, no, I was the dessert. I took a deep breath from my churning stomach and began. Never have I felt so close to someone else's poetry. I was inside Owen's head, seeing what he saw and feeling what he felt. I dare not look up at their faces, for they might see right through me and my shaking hands. I saw him drowning. I saw myself drowning. I was angry. I was sad. I was, scared. With the last word said, I closed my book and said thanks. Glancing over at my teacher, I was sure I had been the worst. He saw right through me. I know he did. Didn't he? Waiting means agony, and the air was full of it. He called my name and I received the comments I so dreaded to see. 200. 200 out of 200.

I have never been flawless. In this paper I can't help but think of the damage that my high school experience has caused me. This is the first time I feel like I have proved to all the people that doubted me, that, I can do it. I know now that all I needed was some guidance and a little direction. None of which I received from all my countless hours spent in drama.

(2 Screams | Whisper to me)

7th April 2006

10:32am: Poetry reading
Right now, I'm a bit nervous. My stomach is bubbling and it's hard to breathe. Gosh, what the hell is wrong with me? I haven't been this nervous for ORI2000 before. I hope this doesn't effect my performance. Maybe I'll feel better after warm-ups. Yikes...

(2 Screams | Whisper to me)

4th April 2006


GO GATORS!!!!!!!!

(4 Screams | Whisper to me)

31st March 2006

6:11pm: So he easily hits a tired elderly slave.


She hates.

(Whisper to me)

21st February 2006

11:31pm: YES! Sasha Cohen beat the Russian! That makes me happy.

(Whisper to me)

20th February 2006

1:32pm: R.I.P. Oliver
My beautiful Beta fish, Oliver, committed suicide this morning. He jumped out of his little bowl and all the way off of Bryan's desk. Bryan found him dead on the floor after he got out of the shower. Oliver's body was so hard and dehydrated. He must have been in terrible pain. R.I.P.

(4 Screams | Whisper to me)

17th January 2006

You scored as Art. You should be an Art major! How bohemian!








<font face='Arial' Hm. Maybe I should go after graphic design after all?

(6 Screams | Whisper to me)

29th December 2005

7:45pm: Outback Bowl, here I come!
Current Mood: excited

(Whisper to me)

25th December 2005

5:15pm: Happy Holidays 2005!
Merry Christmas, everyone!


Happy Chanukah in about 15 minutes. =D

(Whisper to me)

12th December 2005

8:50am: AHHHHHH, I don't wanna take the AMH2020 Final! ::Runs for her life:: Please just let it be over!

(1 Scream | Whisper to me)

6th December 2005


(Whisper to me)

3rd November 2005

8:56pm: November 3rd, 2005
Today is my 2nd Anniversary with Bryan. It has been a crazy two years thus far and I'm looking forward to another marvelous 2 years.Tonight we celebrated with a delicious steak dinner at Outback Steak house. Man, I love Australians. Then Bryan gave me a beautiful white gold heart necklace with sapphires. It goes with my ring! =D I got him Seinfeld Season 4 because he didn't have it yet. Here's a picture of the necklace:


Also, today is my Mom's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, SEXY MOMMA!!! hehehe. I sent her this cute Kitty cat card. She's gonna love it. I miss her. I miss everyone. I can't wait til Thanksgiving to come. This year I truly am going to be thankful. Thankful for my loving family...and that none of them were hurt by Wilma. Not hurt physically that is, financially..who knows. I love you guys!
Current Mood: happy

(1 Scream | Whisper to me)

31st October 2005

11:07am: OCT 31ST 2005 BABY!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN, BITCHES! That's right, go out and rot your teeth with candy. This is one of the few days that it's okay to stuff your face with chocolatie goodness. Yum. Today I'm wearing two costumes. I've already been an 80s rock chick and Fosse dancer. I plan to be a wealthy widow from the 1930s tonight. I poisoned my husband. MWHAHAHAHA! I have a cool hat, gloves, and old fashioned umbrella with a cane. Kick ass! I'll probably go as a dancer again for class. We shall see. ::wink::I LOVE HALLOWEEN! Anyone in Gainesville wanna go trick or treating with us? Call my cell or leave a comment. We'll go around 7 or 8. =D
Current Mood: ecstatic

(4 Screams | Whisper to me)

28th October 2005

1:46am: SimpSON
My floor is so much fun. We just stayed up until 1:30 baking pumpkin pie, pumpkin squares, and cinnamon bread. That's right, we are hard cord bakers!

(4 Screams | Whisper to me)

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